i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
