8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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