Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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