you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
