Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
