I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
