i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Randomize
