I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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