Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
