Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
