I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
