I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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