wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm like, not good at living.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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