shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
