i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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