Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
