Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
