According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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