I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
