The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
