there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my being single is dangerous.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
