rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
