All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
