so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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