I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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