I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
