well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
