So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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