I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
