I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
