he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is Oprah even human
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