Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
