Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
