Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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