I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
