It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
