Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
