I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
