Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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