wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
