Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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