I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
