My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
