we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
