I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
