The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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