If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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