well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
