$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Randomize