Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
