Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
