I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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