do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
