There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize