I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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