On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
