i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
