I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
