Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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