i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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