You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
